Thursday, December 5, 2013

Week 10 EOC: Lawyer Jokes

Question: Do you know how to save five drowning lawyers?
Answer: No.
Reply: Good!
Question: Why don't snakes bite attorneys?
Answer: Professional courtesy.
Question: Why do male attorneys usually wear tight shirt collars and ties?
Answer: It keeps their foreskins from creeping up and covering their faces.
Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie?
Answer: His lips begin to move.
Question: How can you tell the difference between an attorney lying dead in the road and a coyote lying dead in the road?
Answer: With the coyote, you usually see skid marks.
Question: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: How many can you afford?
Question: What do you get if you send the Godfather to law school?
Answer: An offer you can't understand.
http://www.stromer.com/jokes/185jokes.html

Q:   Where does a vampire learn how to suck blood?
A:    During his first year of Law School.

Where can you find a good lawyer?
     In the cemetery

Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
     From chasing parked ambulances.

Top 10 Reasons Why Lawyers Should Replace Lab Rats

    1. There is an endless supply
    2. Lab assistants don't get attached to them
    3. It's more fun to shave and stick needles in lawyers
    4. There are some things rats just won't do
    5. It's fun to dispose of them when you're through
    6. It's not "inhumane" treatment, when it comes to lawyers
    7. No one cares when a lawyer squeals
    8. We've seen what happens when they are allowed to breed in the wild
    9. Lawyers belong in cages
    10. Animal rights activist don't care if you torture lawyers
  • Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty in Law, But Aren't

      1. Have you looked through her briefs?
      2. He is one hard judge!
      3. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
      4. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
      5. Is it a penal offense?
      6. Better leave the handcuffs on.
      7. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
      8. Can you get him to drop his suit?
      9. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
      10. Think you can get me off?

      11. http://people.ku.edu/~dadams/lawyers.htm

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